kept the flowers

Expecting a little too much from the wounded

on 03/27/2013

Have you ever had a friend that disappointed you? Maybe they just didn’t try to keep in touch or always flaked out on you. Or maybe your family member has bad habits like smoking/drinking/eating poorly. These things can be frustrating and easy to get upset about.baggage

But have you ever stepped back and asked yourself where this behavior might be coming from? Maybe your friend is just really busy or flaky or has other priorities they rank above you. And maybe they just like to eat. But what’s beneath that? Are there deeper reasons for this behavior? I’ve come to realize that things are rarely as simple as we might make them out to be.

We all know our own baggage and issues that are always churning inside of us. Of course in our heads, we know the explanation for all of our behavior on some level. But maybe other people don’t. Say you freak out at someone for lying to you about something little. You know your reaction is stemming from the fact that your ex lied to you for years. But is that something they even know or would realize? Maybe not.

As the years go by, I’ve come to look at people’s shortcomings in a different light. Maybe coming to terms with my own inner demons and mental health has caused my eyes to open. I’m realizing, hey – if I have baggage and anxiety and depression, maybe other people do too. And that probably drives some of the behavior that I’m upset about.

Maybe my friend has trouble keeping in touch with friends because she herself is depressed because she lost her father. And I think my family member who overeats does it to self-soothe because he’s still dealing with the baggage of his life—Vietnam, being fired, family feuds—as well as his own anxiety and depression.

So I’ve realized that there have been times I’ve expected too much from these people. Just like me, they’re fighting their own battles and should be forgiven for their reactions and coping mechanisms. I’m going to try and apply this idea to more people in my life and lay down some straight up understanding.

PS: The post title is a quote from a song I enjoy: 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle.

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