kept the flowers

Picking the weeds

on 03/28/2013

The quote that inspired my blog title is from Kelly Clarkson’s song Sober:

“Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers.”

I’ve come to find that in coping with bipolar disorder it’s not only important to add positive and helpful things to your life, but to also get rid of the things that only exacerbate your symptoms.Dandelion

Stress is definitely something that is a trigger for me, and I think this is pretty common. Being hypomanic, I would sometimes dive into more activities than I could handle. Several years ago I was feeling particularly motivated and was really aching to get back into singing. I decided to join a choir at a Unitarian church. I went to several rehearsals and sang in a Sunday service or two. But I quickly came to realize that I bit off more than I could chew. It’s sad to think that committing to one rehearsal a week and a service on Sunday is too much, but I’m sure ya’ll can identify with even that kind of commitment becoming overwhelming.

I also used to do Shotokan karate. I started in college because of my boyfriend at the time and then continued on to get my black belt after we broke up. I really enjoyed it. However, this brought certain pressures into my life. Practicing karate is something that requires deep dedication, which means training at least 2-3 times a week. People would often make you feel guilty if you started missing classes regularly. (Which is something that happens when you’re depressed). Also, being one of few women black belts, there was always pressure to compete in tournaments. While these are fun, I didn’t always have the time or feel like attending. So eventually I decided I needed to take a break. I was burnt out and it was becoming a stressor I didn’t need in my life.

And sadly, sometimes picking the weeds can involve cutting a person out of your life. I had to do this last year and it definitely sucked. But my friend has a host of her own mental health problems that she wasn’t at all seeking treatment for. I know that the topic of leaving someone with a mental illness is a whole other – and very important – issue. But after years of feeling like her therapist and the one who literally had to scrape her off her closet floor, I finally realized it was more than I could handle. How could I serve as someone else’s crutch when I could barely keep my own mental health under control?

I’ve also left jobs when they (unfortunately) became a toxic environment that brought a crazy amount of stress. I’ve found that work-life balance is super important for me to literally keep myself balanced.

So there you have it. Cutting things out of your life can be hard, but I’ve found it to be very worth it. Cutting out daily stressors can almost be more difficult, but I do that as best I can.

Have you ever had to cut anything/anyone out of your life to reduce the stress/anxiety in your life?

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2 responses to “Picking the weeds

  1. had to do that recently with a friend. at the time, i teetered on the edge, nearly suicidal. i got a long email from him and knew I could not handle it, so i didn’t read it. I emailed him back and told him i could not read it and why.

    he emailed back calling my wife and I children and telling us we were in a serious place. I told him we knew that, that’s why we were getting help. i asked if he was trying to be a parent or a friend. he said neither.

    oh that’s a good answer! guess i have to distance myself from him for a while. he’s one of my weeds.

  2. It’s certainly the human weeds that are hardest to pick. We’ve picked a few together 🙂 I’m picking a lot right now, but trying very much to focus on the flowers. Sometimes when we go through all the weeds it’s so easy to lose sight of the beautiful garden that has been there all along, and grows more beautiful for our efforts.

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